DEAD & GONE

Its weird cause i feel like NOBODY in this God forsaken world cares about anyone else...I understand that one has to look out for themselves before others but I didn't know that for someone to be this way they have to be so selfish...Its incredible, and I say this because I have to live through all this Bullshit (Excuse my french)and it gets sickening cause here in RI everything is about who you know, what you've done, and what click you belong to, and if you don't belong to any of these groups your a social outcast for the rest of your time in this Little Big city of Providence Rhode Island. You have people that believe that they are the greatest thing on this earth and if someone else isn't of that caliber then instantly they are removed from that one group and if your not part of that one group then to society you are considered a NOBODY...How would you feel if you were part of that group? But I don't mean to sound like a narcissist but this is supposed to be about me.... Ive been through to much shit to let all of these kids get to me... And I call them kids because thats what they act like... Kids have fun enjoy life and live for every moment that they have in their sweet little life's...I don't...I contemplate to much on the future, like "What's gonna happen after high school? What the hell happened back there? Why did this Relationship fail? What can I do to be accepted? Do people like me or don't they?" these are just a few of the many questions i ask myself every moment every minute every hour of every day... And I know that all of this thinking would drive any person crazy but Im used to it and its me... Now I know that I shouldn't be like this but with all the people in this world who are world renowned for this kinda stuff... They've all made it they did what they told themselves they were gonna do... And they did it with careful planning... But its hasn't been all bad, Ive made many new friends but ive also lost a bunch of good ones ive made friends that I know would have my back any day of the week no matter what problem I may have but at the same time ive lost friends that I thought had my back for any day of the week no matter what problem I may have, but its life I cant let a certain number of people bring me down... And in my Love life its all the same, its just things that i build up inside my own mind thinking that my significant other would be doing the same but yet their just plotting on a way to shut down all of those dreams... As I said before its like giving your heart and soul to someone and on top of that giving 110% to in return get Nothing...I may get mad and I might tell you to "SHUT THE FUCK UP !!" but theirs always something inside of me telling me "Yo Rick Wtf Is Wrong With You !!"I don't mean it... And Never Have I had the Intention to hurt a single human being, so why should I get Hurt?

I heard once that a well prepared flame burns brighter and stronger than one that you just throw a bunch of sticks and light them... But Im done with all of this Hypocritical bullshit its sickening...I think it would all be better if Little Ol Rick just shut the fuck up and did his own thing... Cause truly I believe that people would think that this world would be much better without me... So technically this letter is to say goodbye... THE OLD ME IS DEAD AND GONE AWAY

Think

I'm SO SICK of being DAMAGED and the CLOSER I get to someone the more i feel like I'm reaching my FINAL DESTINATION, I just want to be able to reach that WHEEL IN THE SKY that everyone keeps talking about. Its the LITTLE THINGS that bug me and because of that I feel like a FAILURE and THIS LOVE is the equivalent to MOVING MOUNTAINS but yet I still feel like YOUR ALL I NEED TO GET BY and even though I know I have no chance to be WITH YOU I still feel like I LOVE YOU MORE.....People tell me "Hey dont worry HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, SOMEDAY LOVE WILL FIND YOU" but what If love never finds me.....Does that mean I should GIVE UP??.....Nah I wont cause I CANT STOP MISSING YOU so LETS GET LIFTED lets get SO HIGH that we can reach the moon and the stars, lets SHOOT DOWN THE STARS cause to tell you the truth I think your SUPER SEXY and IM SPRUNG so I jus wanna let you know that YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING to look forward to every morning nd every night when I go to sleep......Your the reason why I feel like a SUPERHUMAN.....

*The RED represents some of the songs on my ipod that match with what im feeling

So Sick - Ne-YO
Damaged - Chris Brown
Closer - Ne-Yo
Fianl Destination - Chris Brown
Wheel In The Sky - Journey
Little Things - Lilly Allen
Failure - Lupe Fiasco
This Love - Maroon 5
Moving Mountains - Usher
Your All I Need To Get By - Method Man ft. Mary J. Blige
With You - Chris Brown
I Love You More - Eminem
Hold Your Head Up - Biggie ft. Bob Marley
Someday You Will Find Love - Journey
Give Up - RickBlaz3
I Cant Stop Missing You - Trey Songz
Lets Get Lifted - John Legend
So High - John Legend
Shoot Down The Stars - Gym Class Heroes
Super Sexy - Charlie Wilson ft. T-Pain
Im Sprung - T-Pain
You Give Me Something - James Morisson
Superhuman - Chris Brown

Crazy

You're the ink to my paper

Where my pen is to my pad

The moral, the very fiber

The whole substance to my rap

You are my reason for being

The meaning of my existence

If it wasn't for you

I would never be able to spit this

As intense

I do and the irony

Is you rely on me as muchas

I rely on you to inspire me like you do

You provide me the lighter fluid to fuel my fire

You're my entire supply

Gas

The match

The igniter

The only way that I am able to stay so stable

Is you're the legs to my table

If you were to break I'd fall on my face.

But I'm always going to make you feel

I don't need you as much as

I really need you

So you don't use it to your advantage

But you're essential to me

You're the air I breathe

I believe if you ever leave me

I'd probably have no reason to be

You are the

Hit to my beats

You're the Brim to my Fitted

The Rick to my Blaze

The Kery to My Ricky

You are the word I am looking for when

I'm trying to describe how

I feel insideAnd the right one just won't come to my mind

You're like the pillar that props me up

The beam that supports me

The chick who never took half

The one who never would force me.

Runnin

I Ran
I Jumped
Nd I Fell

But Guess What
Im Gonna Keep Going At I Until The Day I Get It Right

Some People Use This Website To Express Themselves
Some Jus Like To Write Random Stuff
Nd Others Just Use It Bang On Other Peoples Blogs (From Wat Ive Heard)

But Me
I Like To Use This To Let People Kno Just A Little More About Me


My Name Is Rick
Nd Im a Runner
Lol

A "True" Friend

One of my bois 4rom NY hit me up today

It was mad awkward cause i havent heard from this kid in like years

But he was one of the realest ppl ive ever met in my life

So we talked nd shyt....jus reminiscing nd he brought up sum shyt dat happend

LONG LONG AGO...

Nd I told him about all da stuff dat had been going on here in this

LITTLE BIG City of Rhode Island

From my skool drama to street life & thru the conquests and defeats of something we call Love

He came to say

"You Need To Tell Someone Your Story"

So i thought about that......................................

.:RONNY:.

It August 16 2000 nd i lived in NY at the time i was only 7 years old

it was kind of hot dat day 4rom wat i can remember

nd i was outside wit one of my friends his name was Ronald

But everyone on da block used to call him Ronny

He was also 7

So we was jus outside playin catch wit a baseball

We was outside 4 a while jus chillin

And from down the street i see this red drop top Cadillac

they was rollin like a good 5 deep

and their blastin this loud ass music

nd jus at that moment one of the tenants from the first floor of the building I used to live in came out of the corner store

He also saw that suspicious looking car

nd it must of been reflex or something but jus as that car took off from the green light

He picked me up nd put me in the store

!!!!!!!!!!!PRAT PRAT PRAT PRAT PRAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronnie droped

The car took off

And i was fine

But Ronnie was laying on the floor

i didnt kno why but he was

The man that picked me up rushed at him while looking at the car

Ronnie was RED

RED like a tomato

His clothes were RED

his hand was RED

His head was RED

I didn't cry

No point to cry

He was my best friend

MY ONLY Friend

I didn't cry because I thought there was no point to

I knew he wouldn't want me to

A week later his mom died

Suicide

Next day

His Dad moved

Then 2 months later I moved here to Rhode Island

.:First Love:.

Her name was Noghemie

I met her in the 7th grade

She was cute...nd still is

when i first met her i really didn't think much about her

I jus thought of her as a friend

She would stay bothering me

"Ricky....Ricky.....Ricky"

nd it wouldn't stop lmfaoo

I found it funny

nd kind of nice

idky but i did

So as the second Quarter stepped in I saw her a totally different person

U can say I was...

Head Over Heels For Her

And I felt the same for her all the way to the 8th grade and i finally came over my fears and attempted to ask her out

we was the bestest of friends up to that point

she said No

Blankly said it

No

And she walked away......

Next day she didn't even say hi to me

I wasn't myself since then

I became Non-assuring Self Hating Narcissist

.:Carolina:.

It was like November

I was a 10th grader

Nd i was waitin 4 my 3rd period class to begin

so im jus chillin wit my boi Diego next to sum lockers

And she came thru the door

she said to my boi Diego nd gave him a kiss on the cheek

nd she kept walking

then me being a smart ass like always

i say Wheres Mine??

now let me remind u

i dont kno her at this time

we were jus acquaintances

next day i get word that she jus so happens to have a slight interest in me

I confront her about it

two months later we end up going out

1/17/08

At this point in time im diggin this chick so bad

we was doin good

I treated her "Right"

I "Cared"about her

I did "Everything" she asked me to do

It was good

For a month

Then things started getting shady

We started growing apart

I went to her house to see what was going on

she slammed the door in my face

(FlashBack)

I took her to my job

nd while we waited for the bus I said something that I will Never regeret from saying

I Love You

She said it back in a not so assured way

but she said it with a smile

(Were back now)

I checked my myspace one day and it said

I NEED YOU TO BE MORE AGRESSIVE

I didnt kno what she meant

one of her best friends back then was a kid named

Brian

But everyone calls him Blaq

so it was me, her, and Blaq

we was at her locker nd she said sumtin to me nd i was like iight

but i knew it was sumtin that as a man I shouldnt have done

he said

"Rick....Where your balls at?"

they both laughed

i didnt kno wat he meant so i just went along wit them

but when i though about all of this i knew why she wasnt the same

i wasnt acting like a Boyfriend

that night i did something that her mother had asked me to do 4 her a long time ago

so i went and developed some pictures for her

i thought of it as an excuse to see her

so i went upstairs nd delivered the pictures to her

nd Carolina saw me

she called me over

i told her i didnt wanna talk to her

but she did

so we went downstairs

we talked about it 4 like about 2 hours

we broke up

so the next day we talked on aim as friends

she asked why i took her off my myspace and aim

i was so pissed off that i attempted to delete her from my life forever

I asked her if me and her would ever have a chance of getting back together she said

No

Blankly said

No

the she said some other stuff

i cant remember but it was sum hurtful shit

so i called her a bitch and left the conversation

next day she breaks the valentines day card that i gave her nd threw the bear nd card at me

and calls me a

Bitch

Me and her never talked since

And thats when my whole life changed

I became

"The Quiet Guy"

I didnt talk to nobody since

.:Johnny:.

Johnny was one of my bois from Central Falls

He was part of my crew...Fallen Angels

Dat was my nigga

but he used to have beef with sum nigga named Maurice

but we never minded it

until one day it got so out of hand that he received a death treat

a week later he got shot

I was furious

i wanted to kill him

i wanted to make dat nigga rest 9 feet deep

my boi was in a hospital 4 a month unable to move his leg

he was shot in a nerv

it was so bad that even the doctor said that he wasnt gonna have much time to live

I saw Maurice

I was with my brother Luis (Weezy)

I pushed him against a wall and puched his head in

he started bleeding

And i just kept kickin him nd stomping on him until my brother Weezy tried pulling me away

But i could only keep thinkin about Johnny

I left him there on the floor

Next week i got jumped

by like 6 dudes

its like when Eminem got jumped in 8 mile

I slept in the hospital the next day he died when i woke up

he said

FA

Then

The Line

Hes gone

8-9-08

R.I.P

you will be missed

And Last But Not Least Theres Someone I Will Never Forget About

Xavier

Expected - April Of 2009

Died - February 12, 2009

You Will Be Missed

My Son

"Spark"

Explain this to me, you put in 130 percent into something expecting to get at least 80 percent back....But all you get is 30 or if your "Lucky" you get 40.

Or how about "Spark"

there needs to be Two able bodies to start One spark

But what if your missing One

nd just imagine that, thats all you wanted to find but turns out to never be there....

"If you attempt to succed and fail try again"

thats what i live by, but what happens if i try again nd keep failing should i

"Give Up"

"Throw In The Towel"

or keep going.

Im not good at expressing myself but i hope you understand what i mean by this.

My "Last" Post

This Is My Last Post

And I Guess This Is The Part Where Im Supposed To Talk About My Day But I Would Rather Say Dis

"!!Fuck You And Have A Nice Day!!"